Sunday, December 13, 2009 Darkest Before Dawn. Darkest Before Dawn. Darkest Before Dawn. Thursday, December 3, 2009 Darkest Before Dawn. Saturday, January 17, 2009 Darkest Before Dawn. Saturday, January 3, 2009 Darkest Before Dawn. Sunday, December 28, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn.
entry 0003
I find the concept of heaven selfish.
Lets say you are person A and you love person B as a friend/lover/spouse or smt.
Lets say you go to heaven and B does not becuz of reasons like sin or lack of religion.
How can heaven be heaven without that love one of yours? tell me?
I feel that this concept of heaven is of people with selfish desire. To justify that dying isn't that bad for a total lack of anything after death is too scary to understand.
People who decided people who do good deed and go heaven and never think of others and just selfish people who only think of going heaven themselves.
How could you be in heaven if your mum was in hell right? So if you did the most holy deeds in the world and your parents are the worst, ain't it not going to be a good heaven once you died?
My friend told me that man would be too in love with god to wonder about anything else. I say that is not a good reason, you mean i will forget my mum who did so much for me and went down becuz of god? What kind of son am i? What kind huh? i deserve to be in hell that way.
So this controversy makes me wonder...
If i ask people who believe they will go heaven and want to go heaven this question " Would you go to hell if 1000 people go to heaven for your sacrifice, will you do it?"
if they say they won't give up their position, ain't they selfish? Ain't religion talking about selflessness and serving the mass?
So is the right people going heaven? people who wan to enjoy life after death.
And if god preaches sacrifice, after 1000 people go to heaven becuz of you, ain't u suppose to be up there? and if you are up there again, you can do that again and get 1000 more, then won't u get everyone in heaven?
I say, i will go to hell and if i am good enough to go heaven, sent me back to hell, i trade 1000 lives for my soul.
How could i enjoy my afterlife knowing people are suffering? I dun care if they deserve it, god is abt forgiveness, so why isn't it given? Dun tell me it is about them learning their lesson, if god's light is so good to blind my eyes from helping my love ones, ain't it easy to change 1000 people point of view?
So people who die also wanna go heaven, hear me , can you sacrifice your soul to hell to save 1000 souls from hell?
Cuz i will, even though i dun wan to, I will take a sword and shield and face the devil, and even if my legs have became jelly and my hands shaking uncontrollably with fear, i will face hell and i know i will lose cuz i am just a soul but i will do it anyway.
How could i enjoy my afterlife knowing other souls are suffering?
*Note, no offense to anyone, i am just questioning the idea, not the person
7:57 AM
Well, lets begin.
Entry 0002
Title:Revival
Well this is the revival of my blog so, yep i am back. However i dun think this is a good post
Well, wan to talk about hatred and fear. I am no genius, i am just a man, trying his best to comprehend the world around him. Expressing who i am at the same time.
Hatred
Humans always need something to hate so that they can be loved. The balance of nature.
To identify yourself as part of a group, you must do what the group does, even hate others even if it is illogical hatred. Such as some White Americans hating the black. To identify yourself as one group, you need to hate another. Same with an experiment with a close exosphere. The scientist form 2 group. We will always hate others so we can love others.
Hatred is not understanding. Not understand why a person do this or that. A person eating paper is considered crazy and hated or ignored. However to a crazy person it is perfectly logical. Logic is something that means different thing to a different person.
There is only one way to get rid of hatred.
To understand is not so easy. It is to forgive the actions that to you, seem foreign and illogical.
However, if you do it is normal. It is a selfish but normal desire to be part of the group. Even at the expense of others.
I seen what hatred and misunderstanding has done to others. I havn't seen all but, i can say if it is 1/10 as bad as i see it.....
Man and woman ignored. I can only imagine what the pain has done to their mind and soul. Some have broken, others does not. The great thing about it is that they are covered in so much darkness, they can see even a sliver of light.
Sometime i wish i was god and able to split myself into millions and help everyone. After all i bet i contribute to some pain or another, just by the lack of attention
7:23 AM
Well, i guess i will just practice GP and nonsense on this blog.
Well, here goes the unsung pages i will write
7:23 AM
I am not worthy of the last post, i guess it is suppose to be a cruel half-ass life for men, i guess i was just too baby to find out. Well i did now
2:32 AM
Title: Pheonix Dusk
Well, Hello Readers, This is the LAST TIME i will write on the blog for 2 years.
This blog begin in Jan 2007 but is used from Feb 2008 onwards, it has been fun and feels good to let out steam, but i have study to catch up to.
Editor: Roger Erh
Age:18(Jan 2009)
Blog Use: Feb2008-Jan2009
I have things and people more important than this blog
Well this is wishes to anyone who read regardless if i hate you or love you or i dun know you
Good Luck in Life
All Will be well for 2 years
6:17 AM
Well my b'day is 11 jan, so my mum decided to celebrate in advance as she is working on that date
.
I reflect back on the entire year as i knew this fews days is the day where i can ask for anything i wan and get it( most likely )
So i thought and thought and found out i needed nothing, HP, laptop, xbox360, books and etc. I needed nothing material.
So i make this wishes on my b'day.
I wish i can make better use of time
What i really wan is a second helping of study time, friends,family,love,her and buffet dinner. All this require time and time is what i dun have due to A level and stuff.
So my wishes of:
More time with family
More time with friends
More time with her
More time with studying
More time to exercise(so i can eat more food XD )
became.....
Better use of my time
So whoever is up there, give me the wisdom to spend my time wisely.
I wish that my parents will listen to my sister more and listen to each other.
I cannot describe the words to you to tell you that listening is the most powerful tool anyone can have
Trust me, it is the most powerful tool when not only you listen but listen with real sincerity
And here is something straight from my head.....
A man's life isn't about cash
A man's life isn't about success
A man's life isn't about lust
A man's life isn't about war
A man's life definte not as all these, but as a single question he asked himself with his final breathe from the abyss
Did i try to make a difference?
All is well
9:41 AM
Hello readers,
Well, i tot of something and i have to say, i should have more faith and trust in the person's character, damn mysef, why can't i do that, why can't i do that. All i wanted was to make sure the person is happy, damn damn. why?
Well, i reflected upon it plenty of times regarding the problem. The problem is everytime i have deep feelings for anyone, i fear to lose them, fear leads to self-protection, babbling and many others. Fear -> (Something) -> leads to Failure and Suffering. how i wish i can banish fear.
Damn me, why can't i have faith in the person. after so many months, i find myself a failure to believe everything that the person said and not refer back to the person's character.
Sigh.... as long as there is fear and uncertainty, i cannot meet with success.
The person is too nice, the person wants me to love her without conditions, like i promise i will stay with her, she said she doesn't wan it and wan to know whether i love her without it.
I do and yep it is a her...sigh.
Now i am confused, i dun remember what is the problem, and seeing her trying to ignite a smile and forget the past, made me feel like a jerk.
I have to solve it at first as i lost a good friend by ignoring the problems while it eats me alive. This made me try to solve problems at the bud
Sigh... i see no solution
God(can be Allah, can be Budda, can be RA, can be Zeus, can be God,etc, depending on the real one)
I pray i can make her happy
I pray i can have faith in her
I pray i can have confidence in myself for her
I pray i can try not to solve anything and be a listening ear
Strange that those i hold dear is those that i hurt the most.
All is Well i hope
7:34 AM