Thursday, July 31, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn. Thursday, July 24, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn. Tuesday, July 22, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn. Saturday, July 19, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn. Thursday, July 17, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn. Monday, July 14, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn. Friday, July 11, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn. Wednesday, July 9, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn. Wednesday, July 2, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn. Tuesday, July 1, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn.
FURIOUS ANGELS
well i ,tink it is a long time since i blog, but today alot of things to blog.
Here is what i going to say as a content page
-What going on recently and a summary of what i going to say
-Ms Gong B'day
-Wan Yee B'day
-Wushu
-Singapore
-Inner Troubled Thoughts
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I have been so busy recently that i barely had enough sleep, in fact i was dying this few days
We have been planning for Ms Gong B'day
Lets just say i am never allowing my pals to make handmade cards again, not that it is ugly, but it takes sooo much time
At the same time i had to plan for Wan Yee B'day, lucky they wanted a small cake, however, it was a rush in the morning and i was running on pure adrenaline today.
I want to talk about wushu too
Then i wan to touch on singapore
then i wan to touch on my inner trouble thoughts
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Ms Gong B'day
it was a SUCCESSS... haha that i am glad, it was troubling, especially on the last night where everyone nerves were fried, i even gotten angry. 
We had huge argument and i was going to shout a few times only a last min restraint that said" we all in trouble together" saved my ass. Then Jackie attitude of positive and my attitude of "feeling alive in pain", allows me to stay focus.
Photo for Ms Gong>>>>
We ordered Mee Goreng for 20 people, it was well receive and cleared(Chelsea had a thing about food)
Drinks were nearly cleared and that is good
Class was clean beyond expectation
We have Jolene, Cindy,Jackie(maid), Daniel(Logic), Rey, Eileen, and Me doing the job
Thank You Jolene for being picky so we can do well
Thank You Cindy for your tolerance for teammates
Thank You Jackie for your candle in darkness
Thank You Daniel for Mental Support and Help in IRP
Thank You Rey for Your invaluble ideas
Thank You Eileen for your artistic skills
Thank.... i dunno what to say abt me lah
Others:
Thank the class for being cooperative and those who stayed back to clean up.
Thank You Mr Andrew for Being Nice to Us
Next Thing is teachers day... cards for 10 teachers?
No Freaking way, i think i will buy LOL
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Wan Yee B'day was the same day as Ms Gong Bye Bye Party.
Our plan was to make her embarrass in front of everyone, so we wanted to sing the song in the morning assembly
However, i couldn't work the lighter Jolene gave me. So it took awhile to light the thing, and it was blown off as soon as we reached Wan Yee
they are photo shy so i won't say much
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on a more sad note, let me talk about wushu.
From a outside and social view, it is perfect, great people there, well planned, i love my buddies there, i do not care for the tiring training, in fact i would be happy to be tired(not at that moment but once i reach home)
However there is something terribly wrong.
I admit i am lousier than most but that is not what is wrong, i can be the shittest but i do not care as long as i am trained.
And the fact is i am not trained and i think my coach is only distancely aware of my existence.
Evidence:
I was one of the earliest to join and yet i was one of the last, strike that, i was the LAST to get a weapon, and ONLY,ONLY becuz i requested it.
I tot maybe i could be patience or the coach was testing it , so i was patience, i didn't ask her for anything much, i had to ask to get a weapon.
I remembered she was giving commands to the team to practice
(translated to english)
"
****, Go learn your **** weapon
Roger....erm go do what you do.........."
Is that freaking insulting?, i mean like what the fuck?
I ask for so little, a little coaching, a little attention, maybe just 10 mins spend with me i will be so happy trying to learn 5 moves which i will get 2 out of 5, but nope, latest training, she never even given me any personal training. Which other people had like 20 mins to her or smt? I know i am not that good, but do u need to shove it in my face? I would be so fucking happy to get a scolding
My patience is wearing thin, teachers recommand to all students that they keep going on for at least a year.
I will finish the year, and by then i will quit. I will find other ways to train my fitness.
I harbour no hatred for her, she is doing her job. However i wan to achieve something. It is so sad that i found a perfectly good CCA to have it trashed by ignoring me.
I feel saddness to quit, but then again
it needs to be done
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Singapore
They Recently Gave Us a S-Cube thing... some book on Success Survival and Serving( i tink)
Are they NUTS?
After countless hearing what my GP expert says and what i learn. Do the Singapore Government treat us like fools?
We are A-Level Students, Close to being a full adult. Are they nuts to think they could brainwash us with that crap.
Well the stories are true, the examples are true. The stories we all know are fictional. However, what the chance that that we all do that? Where are all the stories about us going bad? About our racism?
One thing i really hate in singapore is the lack of press freedom, that everything is censored so much, it is like a bloody cage. Can't they trust us not to turn our backs on our country?
I will do my duty as a citizen,national service and everything. I am thankful for the secure environment, however there are just some thoughts.... I think i will go read Singabloodypore
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Messy Inner thoughts
Well, i never made the same mistakes as Secondary school
However, i have one mistake...one terrible mistake...........O god how am i suppose to fix that
Determination can't help me, only if i could relax
Another thought is , god it is maddening in my head. I know so many people, but do i know them?
Who the heck am i? i am not better in anything compared to majority, i am like a jack of all spades(most at least), then what is my role if there is one that can be better, who the hell am i ?
i hate being so weak, hate it so much
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Maybe the lack of sleep is the issue i am so negative
I will see about tml
All is Well
5:55 AM
Today was ok lah
it has been a long day
I tink first time i greet teacher morning, then afternoon, then evening,then night... LOL
At the last lesson, even the teacher is tired, she made alot of mistakes
we had endless lessons and only 2 breaks, which was a killer
Here is Jackie standing up trying desperately not to sleep
Ms Gong is leaving T_T, we must celebrate with her.
All the best for her
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Sry my friend, for you were not the one who publish the thing on the blog, i had harbour anger at you for nth. lucky i didn't do anything cuz u looked pitiful today
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On another thing, I am so in love with V for Vendetta, awesome film. The protagonist in the film is awesome, i love him man
He speaks very very deep english, and his words mirror his actions, a person who fought against superior numbers and a government for the righteous. A role model.
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Well, now i feel like a coward, i had to apologized to someone, i wanted to but i wanted to use tact and slide it in the conversation or smt, however we seldom talk. Well, when my friend asked abt it, i felt guilty even though i know i had reasonable reason to wait. However, i just had this feeling that i am a coward, so hell, i am going to tell her on monday, a apology rite? nth much. Straight in the face, hell with tact, do it the way i should have done instead of making it so draggy
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My another friend is in a mess, well, godspeed, hope they can solve, some people just need to get out of self-pity state and not tink of what could have been done, think of what i can do now. I can't believe a sentence broke his morale.
The problem of sucking your problem in and trying to fix it, is that u get look down by people,although it might get fix
The problem of self-pity is that people will sympathize with you, however job doesn't get down, so social standing goes up
Where was the guy i admire for his forward-looking?
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Let me Write out what i have to do
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All my life i have been looking for someone who will forever be there for me, and i will be for her, no matter what i did or what she do, however in realism, there is no such thing as forever and leaving all my hopes on a person is childish, i will find a partner, i will freaking hell love her, if i can , i will go in glory and die for her. However, till then my main purpose shall be no more abt find a gf. I will find one purpose, one cause, one ideal, where i can place my entire will on it.
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All is well, i must be tired to be speaking nonsense
5:50 AM
I tink my GP screwed up
Anyway, quite a good day, in all regard, there is problems but nth i can't solve XD, if only i have a time machine which makes me move 1.5x my speed in all aspect, so i have 36 hrs instead of 24hr.
Yesterday, i was studying with my classmates till 7pm, close to 9pm, i was still outside, i was like OMG.
Then A messenge appears, calling me buuny... which became my nickname.....soooo irriating, werebuuny is better...BETTER NOT CALL ME THAT XD
and deja vu, look at this pic
same as the picture a few days before, but this time it is night... LOL
Today, after sch, my friend left first, so i went out with my classm
ates again, we went MAC for a change, before we reach there, we saw JACKIE( A cat name jackie)
So jackie was chasing jackie, i was like LOL
Here is the cat>>>>
My friend had to comment we went back 5 years in time(due to our behaviour)
Glenn isn't here, i will sorely miss him for now XD
All is Well
5:39 AM
Today was fine, wushu in morning.
I FINALLY HAVE A WEAPON XD( A Northern Staff), I was like So happy, but only learn 3 steps of the beginning, well, i have patience.
Then after sch, i intended to go to west mall with cindy and xiang lin, however xiang lin was sick, so i remain with him in sch and played PSP together, single combat we were equal, tag battle my psp was spoiled so can't say who is the real winner
However the sch closed at 12.00pm.....at 1.30 i was still playing. I and him were like SHOCKED... Both gates were locked. There was no way out.
So the reason i join wushu came out, i and him managed to climb over the main gate. The height was high, however, after a tiring day at wushu, our legs were like numb or used, so we felt no pain.
After that i watch Hancock with Param and Terence(he insisted and it was the closest timing). it was ok lah.
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Now i found out my problem.
Main Serious Problem, Fear
Fear of heights and feet not on the ground, i hate tis, makes me hestiate.
Fear of saying out how i feel, i have partially cure this, but to those i feel closer to, the words get harder to come out.
( That is why i have a blog, but now, i tink i should say feelings in face or phone)
Although i cure my Fear of Stage, there is a frantic inside feeling, i must cure that...
Fear of talking to people who suddenly say hi and ask a few question(who know my name and i dunno theirs)
All i need is conviction for them to be true, I need to believe
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All is well
6:12 AM
Same as ever, still sad but well life goes on, i can be sad but lets just say that it is damn hard to make me emo and no matter how sad i am, i must enjoy life to the fullest
sad is not equal emo XD.Here is a song i humming the whole day
First Time-Lifehouse
i always humming the first part
We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide
Looking at you,holding my breath,
For once in my life,I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,letting you inside.
Feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
To feel for the first time
Anyway for once i tink i post smt happy
I have been training for wushu for 3 freaking days. Monday and Tuesday were usual 5-6.30 train the Student council and NE members.
Wed was more......interesting. training starts at 2 and end at 5pm, but nope that is not the exciting thing. In P.E. i have to train 6 classes for silat and wushu, around 120 STUDENTS. Mint, Cindy,Cat,Ji Ren and me are the members in wushu who were in those classes. knowing that being the leader gives you experience i need for future stuff, and knowing my friend's are not social-suicide, i did my job. However i was pretty slow in training, i was also exhausted from training for 2 days. Lucky Mr chua and mint did most of the remaining jobs for me.
Afternoon was more fun, i wasn't tired anymore(my body are either numb or dead), and i begin training people, soon i realize i was the only one still training people. Eleen and some girl i forgot name( i tink lidya or smt) was the people i trained. Eleen was a slow learner, but her background as a runner, i trust she could do it well. She didn't fail me
God...it was scary in front of crowds and leading....I could become ICE, but once i made a mistake, i become more frantic... must change that
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Pepsi and Vibrator
Okkkk... this part abit sick, but worth posting
After sch today, i went out with Glenn,Jackie,Jolene,Eileen,Daniel,Andrew and Cat to Eat KFC. On the way we were laughing at Cat book, which was pretty ....sexual...it was abt yakuza daughter.(Glenn dunno wat is a vibrator) We laughed and laughed, but i decided not to go too deep into those kinda laughter, i suppress and shut up abt it.
We all ordered the value meal, since everyone same,
it was worth taking a shot( Me and Jolene taking pictures)
Then we have chat about...forgot liao, ghost and stuff. Then later after we go out, we start to become dirty again, Glenn made a senseless but full of sense remark,i forgot what was it but, i remember the meaning, handphones are vibrators. Then we laughed like madddddddddd. it was nuts, the possbilities.
"I will give you a ring on your ******"
"what is your """"""" number"
Haha LOL, Then we went past Prince Elizabeth Primary School, PEPS
we said Pepsi, and alot of jokes started... Andrew said one abt choosing your pepsi and Glenn was saying abt Pepsi here so expensive. Daniel and Eileen tot dirty abit and said paedophile, i wasn't tinking of nuts, i mean " I wan to open their can ?"is dirty Either way, my legs nearly gave way.
Then after that is home sweet home as we are bid goodbyes reluctantly.
All is Quite Well
3:22 AM
Well, Today was good, just the impeding doom of GP project that freaks me out....sigh alot of work to do
Have to collect money for ppl b'day
Khairl leaving tml so i wondering how the heck am i suppose to make a farewell party
Well my total grades are in....wanna take a look?
The grades type are "U,S,E,D,C,B,A"
GP:S
MT:E
PHY:C
CHEM:E
MATHS:U
ECO:U
quite well, cuz i half asleep thru out the sch anyway
You know....life is strange
My smiles are not fake, but i felt that the brightness has dim.
You know... i wished for a different life after secondary sch... i got it. But now i found out that it is true that being among a few million people, you can still feel alone.
I found myself a place where i can drawn strength from,something more than temporary less than permanent
It keeps me going,it is painful but it keeps me smiling, i wonder when i will draw finish, but till that day, i will remind strong.
God, i love my classmates, i love my family, i love teachers and peers, they keep me company, gives me freedom from my pain.
Funny how when u are in pain, then u can enjoy life to a better extent
All is Mostly Well
5:33 AM
,
Well, life as it is ok lah.
Happy BIRTHDAY JOELLE(Actually Yesterday but anyway)
Too bad i put the cake in the wrong place -_-
Well i am more irritable lately but it is expected.
Today is as good as it gets, i mean i had a better than normal school day. I mean it will be excellent from the outside but there is always bugging me, everything minus -20 points or smt.
highlight in physics lesson. Eileen was proving Elastic Coillision with Towfiq's head(he bangs the table and fly's back up, elastic rite ??)
Then i spend the afternoon with Cindy and nearly a 1/3 of the class in the library doing work and reading and consulting. It was fun but quiet.
Random pictures of lecherious Jackie>>>>>>>>>>>>
Then wushu and silat had to train together....i didn't wan to go...scared to lose face...so i bought time by eating a chickent pie and potato, i dreaded going. Foots went heavy. Then i after teaching for a while...hell it ain't so bad...learning new stuff and teaching new stuff, i hav long decided i didn't want to play a big role in wushu...just help out. The goddamn coach doesn't give a shit abt me, i have nearly perfected the arts i have...only the speed and the flexiblility i can't do a shit. No weapon when even those later than me have weapons. If this continue, i am quitting.
I had loads of fun teaching them, sherman was there and he was silat so it made it easier. they teach us their moves and it was damn fun, for once i had a sense of achievement i loss a long time ago with wushu
Then i came home, start reading the host... i was nearly done, then i have to go out for badminton with my cousins and uncles and aunts... it was nuts... i mean there isn't any tension between them.
Random picture from library someday ago>>>>
They congrats their opponents, their own self, sarcasm was everywhere, but ppl were laughing and talking like china ppl, my shorts torn at 9.30, i didn't care and played till 10pm(my pants were really torned up then)
i visit my cousin house nearby and hear my uncles crack jobs while drinking beer, a total merry occasion.
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Well, there is this demon
In my soul, i expected it's arrival, in fact i embrace the fact i am tortured
Well, Love isn't devoid of pain rite
For once in my life, i know i ain't gone the wrong way, i can finally put some faith into smt.
It gives me strength to go on
On a day where i help my friends, listen to ppl, listen to problems, aid in IT, do wushu, have fun, read a book, i can't feel it. The ache is ignorable
When i am alone
When i start tinking, it lance across the heart, lance with pain.When i see her, i do a flip in the stomach at my loss.
But it was meant to be, i asked for it, i am sorry but not sorry, in a way.
Well can't tell u bloggys, cuz tis is private business Shooooo
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All is Quite Well
9:44 AM
Sry long time never post... too busy.....playing and stuff XP
Anyway Exams Results are here and first time in my life i praying for a pass instead of a A
Well last wed went out with Jackie to play Pool and LAN, quite fun. play the day away...lost alot of money T_T
I was killing jacky by shooting balls at him...sounds wrong>>>
last thurs i went to hougang to meet a couple of classmates to discuss T-shirt design with a 29 year old guy. He is cool for an old man(nah...jk only). It was hell getting there. there after a little 2 hours.i had to return as all of them left -_-. i shopped around to find Joelle gift to waste time so as to make the fare worth, found smt nice but never buy.
At Friday i went out to my dad shop, where i slack...a woman tried to hit on my dad and his friend... i trust my dad not to fall under such weak flirt. The other was younger and was nicer... i like her better...but i wonder in her eyes am i a kid or adult?
At sat i went out with Param as he wanted to buy smt from Sim Lim. He never bought it... instead bought a infared len at the 6 floor shop....told him that at the 5-6 floor are the treasure area.
At sun, he was telling me abt telling ppl abt infared lens, had lunch and he had to buy smt from popular, then we went home and i spend time with my dad and sis.
At monday, i went out with a friend to watch Hancock..awesome bastard.Although i wanted to watch mummies but my friend was scared...after seeing the ad...she wasn't.. i was like i told u so...
I dunno when i took this but my dad was acting cool, laughing my head off >>>
At tue..back to sch..happpy...good day
At wed, well not a very good day. But it was meant to be. After all life was always like that, but more challenging this time. I won't let history repeat itself, that is what fools do.
Well all is not really well but lets make a last great show.
7:48 AM
Black and White
Darkness and Light
Matter and Anti-Matter
Cure and Disease
Poison and Antidote
Dreams and Reality
Male and Female
Demons and Angels
Fear and Courage
Freedom and Slavery.
One cannot exist without the other...............
haha just listing the opposites in this world
Anyway. Today went out for Pool and Lan gaming, nth much but a good way to spend the day...rather than cooped up at home.
Played with Eileen again...Lost 3-0...but every battle was close
Here is a very nice saying from Star Wars: Revenge of The Sith By Matthew Stover
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Dark Is Generous.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's First Gift is Concealment: Our true faces lie in the dark beneath our skins, our true hearts remain shadowed deeper still.But the greatest concealment lies not in protecting our secret truths, but in hiding from us the truths of others.
The Dark Protects Us From What We Dare Not Know.
Its second gift is comforting illusion:the ease of gentle dreams in night's embrace, the beauty that imagination brings to what would repel in day's harsh light. But the greatest of its comforts is the illusion that the dark is temporary:that every night brings a new day. Because it is the day that is temporary.
Day Is The Illusion.
Its third gift is the light itself:as days are defined by the nights that divide them, as stars are defined by the infinite black through which they wheel, the dark embraces the light, and brings it forth from the centre f its own self.
With Each Victory Of The Light, It Is The Dark That Wins
The Dark Is Generous ,And It Is Patient.
It is the dark that seeds cruelty into justice, that drips contempt into compassion,that poisons love with grains of doubt.
The dark can be patient, because the slightest drop of rain will cause those seeds to sprout.
The rain will come, and the seeds will sprout,for the dark is the soil in which they grow, and it is the clouds above them, and it waits behind the star that gives them light.
The Dark Patience is Infinite.
Eventually, Even Stars Burn Out.
The Dark is Generous, And It is Patient, And It Always Wins.
It Always Wins Because It Is Everywhere.
It is in the wood that burns in your hearth, and in the kettle on the fire; it is under your chair and under your table and under the sheets on your bed. Walk in the mid-day sun and the dark is with you, attached to the soles of your feet.
The Brightest Light Cast The Darkest Shadow.
The Dark is Generous, And It is Patient, And It Always Wins.
But in the heart of it's strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back.
Love Is More Than A Candle.
Love Can Ignite The Stars.
Nice ain't it, well i am not a man of love cuz never felt it much, but nice poem kinda thing.... dun u tink?
All is Well
8:15 AM
Well tis few days are quite relaxing, i am more connected to reality than ever and then i am more connected to the com than ever.
Study Group, Pool, Going to source for T-shirt, projects,buying birthday gifts... all having ppl around... fun.
Anyway.. i was studying for physic yesterday with my study group. Then after a close friend's call. We went KFC then i have to eat 2 dinner....god...... I saw Mandy and Jasmine along the way... Mandy is looking for a job... i am against it and rather her study but then again, it is her life.
Anyway today Exam was Good... i was again brimming with confidence. So happy that i can at least do well for that i was high. Then we watch WANTED.
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At first i wasn't high abt the show...looks like some crappy movie with alot of killing and the guy getting the girl in the end kinda thing.
Then after doing logical physic the whole morning. The movie was like the opposite. BULLETS travel in a circle... Car doing stuns that are damn near impossible. Bullets hitting each other like a duel.(Technically possible but the probability is nearly impossible). We were laughing our heads off in the cinema. It was ridiculous that a organization started off with 10 men with nth to do but find codes in cloth. Wax acting like white blood cells, shooting thru a donut at 10 km away.
Plot was ridiculous
CG was crazy
Protagonist was a guy without life, lousy job, 14 bucks in his bank, girlfriend screwing with his best friend finding a way to be in control of life by killing wantonly.
.
Insane but i love it, i wanna watch V for Vendetta . Padme actress star in it XD. Wanted was good. Angeline Jolie stars in Wanted, so did Morgan Freeman(the guy who plays god) and i wan to look like this guy :Thomas Kretschmann. He has the look like he been out there. God when i am out of study i am exploring the world.
Usually i won't remember the names but, remembering some is important as some like Angeline Jolie is a UN Ambassdor for UN refugee agency and won't make me like an idiot when i talk to ppl.
Alright i go kick some Eileen ass in some Minesweeper flag, bye
All is Well
6:59 AM