Friday, April 18, 2008 Labels: Special Darkest Before Dawn.
Hello, I think i will write my SPECIAL in Advance
U always known me as cheerful, an ass and sometime stubborn guy
Well, even me have my bad times, tis are all the times that i forgive but quite hard to forget.
I just buried them deep in my heart and a wrong word by a guy can flame it up again
There are Essentially 3 things
They might seem like nothing to u, but those are great things in my life. I am not embarrassed to say. They are over and nothing can change them
Lets go By DateSec 2 Year 2005
To understand tis, u have to go back to the past. I had a so call "gf" in K2. I forgot how i confessed to her and everything. We went on date once and she waited for me after sch(when we were in primary). I was blessed and very happy.Then she didn't call for years, i tot she wanted to concentrate on studies, so i didn't care. Last i saw her was Primary 4.
The bond between us wasn't the issue. It was my mother. The reason she didn't call was that my mum, told them that i am busy with my studies.
Do u know the feeling where one of the most precious thing u once held was pushed away by someone close?
I knew it only in sec 2. By that time the bond was already lost. However, i never forgot that she did it without my consent.She did decisions for me without my consent. It was like betrayal.
I deserve to decide who i wanna date, even in my pre-puberty life Sec 4 Year 2007
Tis is abt Param, My best pal. If he read tis, he should not be ashamed, for what he did, he did for his own happiness, it is right for ppl to chase their happiness.
To understand, u need to understand ,Brian, Param and Me were like best buds and still are. from sec 1-4+. We were the three musketeers. The 3 bros. Betrayal was the last thing in my mind
The Root begin(As Ms Sali) said, in April, at the first Prefect Investiture(if i spell correctly). Even thought Param was Prefects and Brian was NPCC, we spend more time together and less time there. It was essentially perfect.
By May, Smt wrong happen.
Param started ignoring Brian and Me and always claim he is busy with prefects.
At first we were understanding. But We were not dumb. We are being trashed away
Close to the mid of May, i nearly decided to hack off param, hack off the stress. Lucky Ms Sali Gather us to sort it out. The wound wasn't close. it was just cemented as we never express our feelings. My heart at that time, thirst for vengeance.So after 2 more months i broke off all relations with him, ignoring him
Actually come to think of it, i was quite childish, making more friends just to win him.
By 2 months before O, i was Emotionally Exhausted(due to many reasons) and couldn't continue the fight, i just wan to study. However God had mercy, Param gather some guts and rectify with me. We all could study together again.
Thru that, i learn to embrace my feelings. To tolerate, to understand, to express feelings. For Hidding feelings is the worst thing u can do to a long-term relationship or friendship.That is what if u have something against me, i will aggressively ask u to rectify abt it
I also learn never to count on anyone alone
I also found out that i nearly fallen that time. Became an ass because i tot it was cool.Became who i wanted to be, not who i am.
It is like one of those great stories u hear. By Dec i realize everything. Experience alot more than usual. The Consequence of that goes a long way.Holiday(Post O lvl Results) 2008
Tis is abt my parents. I had good enough results to go JC. However i wanted to go Poly cuz i am a relaxer type(Although the end is still Uni)
My Mum and Dad wan me to go JC. I had a serious argument
Their Arguement- If i can go JC why not, it is better, i will be the first Science Student in my generation of cousins
Higher Chance of going Poly
My Arguement -It is my decision, stop influencing, it is my Life
I havn't give some real thoughts to it actually, but with my dad and mum voice in my head, how the HECK AM I SUPPOSE TO CHOOSE UNBIASEDLY?
The Next Day My Mum Told me tearfully she will respect my choice, but the damage was already done, there is no turnning back
My Dad Never Really Was Wrong in his Life. So i will trust him one last time , despite him having no experience of JC
So now i am in MI, i won't say i am not happy, but yesterday, he asked," JC so much work meh?" That Flare me up. Because it shows how little he knows abt the path he had the nerve to choose for me (Lucky i held it under control)
But there is one thing i will do, If i ever Fail to Get A Level, i will never forgive them, I will Sponsor them money for old age, but that is all i will do, nth else, nth else. I will forever be mad at them, a wound that never will be healed
I HATE THEM FOR CHOSING MY LIFE, I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT HELPING MYSELF
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If u notice story 1 and 3 are somewhat the same.
I wan to decide my life, not anyone else, even though i hav no decision, dun choose for me
Well, Writing all these could get a guy Emo. I go and relax, if not i will be angry and sad at the same time
Param and My Parents, if u read tis, plz understand. What has been done can't be undone, nothing can be done to make the scar disappear. I request you do not talk abt tis
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Let the A Level and it's ailles come, they shall not find The Pheonix Unprepared
All is Well(feeling Patriotic)
6:26 AM