Sunday, December 28, 2008 Darkest Before Dawn.
Hello readers,
Well, i tot of something and i have to say, i should have more faith and trust in the person's character, damn mysef, why can't i do that, why can't i do that. All i wanted was to make sure the person is happy, damn damn. why?
Well, i reflected upon it plenty of times regarding the problem. The problem is everytime i have deep feelings for anyone, i fear to lose them, fear leads to self-protection, babbling and many others. Fear -> (Something) -> leads to Failure and Suffering. how i wish i can banish fear.
Damn me, why can't i have faith in the person. after so many months, i find myself a failure to believe everything that the person said and not refer back to the person's character.
Sigh.... as long as there is fear and uncertainty, i cannot meet with success.
The person is too nice, the person wants me to love her without conditions, like i promise i will stay with her, she said she doesn't wan it and wan to know whether i love her without it.
I do and yep it is a her...sigh.
Now i am confused, i dun remember what is the problem, and seeing her trying to ignite a smile and forget the past, made me feel like a jerk.
I have to solve it at first as i lost a good friend by ignoring the problems while it eats me alive. This made me try to solve problems at the bud
Sigh... i see no solution
God(can be Allah, can be Budda, can be RA, can be Zeus, can be God,etc, depending on the real one)
I pray i can make her happy
I pray i can have faith in her
I pray i can have confidence in myself for her
I pray i can try not to solve anything and be a listening ear
Strange that those i hold dear is those that i hurt the most.
All is Well i hope
7:34 AM